I’ve always believed that it is in a girl’s best interest to be comfortable with herself, to developed independence, self-reliance and relationships outside of a romantic nature. I believed that if you developed yourself as a person you can offer more in a relationship and intern expect more from your partner.
Problem is I’ve mastered all of the above to the point of Blissful Comfort. So much so that I am embarrassed to say how long it has been since I have been in a serious relationship. Having 2 jobs and being a homeowner is an excuse I have been using for not putting my social life as a priority.
I understand that for most people dating does not take that much effort. The problem is I HATE meeting new people. HATE IT. Not just men but anyone. The prospect of getting to know someone new is undesirable for me. Sitting across a table to share the few restful hours I have with someone who is void of personality, egotistical, boring is something that I have no interest in doing.
In addition to this I often meet men who are unemployed, multiple children, living at home, no licence and yes on probation meaning that they are not allowed to leave the country.
I did not realize the seriousness of my dating situation until I found out that the BIG girl at work has a man and I don’t. Being overweight is one thing she is another. Her arms kinda float aimlessly unable to touch the sides of her body. DAMN. Now that reality slapped me hard in the face.
So for 2010 I am going to make an effort to meet more people and actively get out and start dating. So much so I should be going on a date with someone my MOTHER has set me up with. You would realize the possible disaster if you know the stories about my mother but you will in time.
Looking forward to writing something soon and hearing your feedback.
About Me
- Me and my life
- I am a single black woman in her early thirties who realizes that while I enjoy a few things in life I rarely get to enjoy them. I am participating in this blogging experience to with all honestly try something new and because of the arm twisting of my co-worker. Hell this is cheaper than counselling.To put myself out there. I am a person who uses the computer on a daily basis yet I am still so far removed from technology. I don't use instant messenger..it freaks me out. While I am on Facebook I certainly don't use it as a social site so blogging about my everyday life is far removed from what I do but isn't that what life should be about trying something different. So this is it.
9 comments:
um..It's ALWAYS the BIG girls...eh?
Why wouldn't a plus-sized woman who wants to be in a relationship not be in one? What is so unique about being plus-sized? Not trying to be mean, but your perception of the "BIG" woman says a lot about you, and not the lady who has chosen to be in a relationship like anyone else. She is human but your comments dehumanize her, whether you meant that to be the case, or not. Celebrate differences in people including your mother and find your own happiness. Good luck.
"Her arms kinda float aimlessly" is an unkind thing to say, by the way.
Wow! that was rude of you to chop that sistah down for being a big girl, that does say a lot about who you are it seems to me that the reason you by yourself is because you can't find people, never mine a man to fit into your prefect little world, how sad is that of you to make another sistah out to be the bad guy just because you decided some people aren't worth you meeting because you have all these goals set before you meet them in your head, score one for the thick sistah somebody saw in her what she see in herself a wonderful sistah who just so happens to be thick.
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********, you said it way better than I did. It is rude and beyond cruel. Thanks for the reality check. I also agree with you about the writer's "perfect little world." It does not exist. Enjoy the fantasy for however long it lasts.
Authors Reply.
I must admit that this post is not nice, but lest not forget that as human beings we are a balance of good and evil. We often think thoughts that are unkind the only difference is that I have and will continue to write my thoughts without restriction. When I write I write honestly and sometimes I am cruel.
If you have read my previous posts you will notice that I am no gentler on myself than on others. I am not saying obese people are not worthy of love and affection. But it is more difficult for them to find someone because they do not meet society general standard of beauty.
I have never and don't view myself as perfect and in this piece and others I have always called out my own downfalls and and mention ways to correct them.
I thank you all for your thoughts of opinions and I hope I have not offended anyone too greatly. While this piece is definitely controversial it is controversy that sparks thoughts, conversation and posts and for that I have not regrets.
Thank you for your time.
Ahhh... The beauty of this forum. "It IS controversy that sparks thoughts, conversation and posts." A sister breaks down a big girl. Not good. Sisters break down a sister for breaking down a sister. Not good either.
We all sometimes say things that are mean spirited, whether intentional or not. Just this week, I was talking about this same single woman topic. What I said was that I don't understand why a Black woman with a career has such a hard time finding a decent man, when a Black female on welfare, with 6 Bébé's Kids, living on section 8 talking about, "I got to have my nails did", has no problems. Not the nicest thing to say, but I don't take it back because it's how I feel. I have thought about this a lot and try to make self believe that it is a man I would never have anyway. What does that say about me?
I am definitely a fat woman. I got the arms too. I didn't take much offense to the statement because we can always point to somebody that we feel should be in a worse position than ourselves. That is, if I am speaking honestly...
Though I am offended by the descriptive you shared, there is no need to apologize in the least. ***** is right. Thank you both for responding.
I believe that you can have the type of the man you won't- if you truly believe you can.
If you focus on the "broke man on probation who lives at home and has six kids," that's probably what you'll see more of. In my opinion, if you focus on the positive and the positive aspects you want, that's what you'll get.
Best of luck to you! :0)
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